Blessed

Throughout the weekend, one thought keeps looping through my mind:

I am so blessed.

Last week was a tough one for me. Panic attacks resurfaced, things at work got shuffled a bit, and a very dear family friend passed away. Not surprisingly, I felt wiped out and depleted. What made it even more frustrating was all the great stuff from last week that I could acknowledge intellectually as being wonderful, and there were even moments when my heart skipped a bit, but nothing positive was able to sift down and really take up residence.

My "emergency" acupuncture on Thursday helped reset things, and I haven't felt any panic since, which is a huge relief. Eva was also helpful in pointing out that I need to be easier on myself and let go of my perfectionist attitude, at least a little. On Friday night, I was supposed to go to New York to visit my dearest friend, "Snacks," but felt too overwhelmed to make the short trip. She, being the wonderful soul she is, understood and said I should come up whenever felt right. I was on the train at 7:30 on Saturday morning, feeling fortified after a relaxing night in. But everything kept irritating me more than it should have/would have on any other day.

Bit by bit, though, I was able to let go. And that's when the refrain started to bubble up. For the rest of the weekend, all I could think was how blessed I am. I was able to spend Saturday with a friend I consider a sister and my wonderful, wise, beautiful mother. We ate delicious food, sampled a few sangrias (whoops), and caught up and laughed for hours. We met another great friend, Maggie, for a glass of wine, and after it all, Snacks and I went to surprise another old friend in Brooklyn.

Connecting with these incredible people from all different stages of my life was restorative in a way I wasn't expecting. There was a particular ease that comes from being with people who know who you are at your core. And the agave-nectar-sweetened icing on the gluten free cake? Presents. That's right. I got presents.

Mom treated us to all the amazing food (details in a future post) and some new shoes (yay!). Snacks surprised me with this amazing book I'd been drooling over, by the founders of the restaurant where we had dinner, Pure Food and Wine. I'm not really one to rush out to the latest hot spot, but after reading about it on Kris Carr's blog in July, I've been dying to get over there. I was thrilled with the experience. Maggie handed over her umbrella so I wouldn't get caught in the rain en route to Brooklyn, and when I arrived there, Alison, a friend for over two decades, surprised me with belated birthday presents, including a gorgeous journal.

And that was just one day! On Sunday I got to have brunch with Snacks and my friend Cas, another post-worthy meal. I took it easy again last night, which I needed to do, but I'm finally starting to feel restored and ready for the new week.

The Tao

In my family, each person has a copy of the Tao Teh Ching. The book is sacred to me for its content, but also for how much I feel connected to my family through it. In 1999, my wise dad gave each of his three children a beautiful copy for Christmas. He inscribed it simply with "Into the next millennium." Like most of my books, it's not something I simply sit down and read; I pull it out and dip in and out at will. I always come back to it, though. Sometimes, if I want a path for my meditation, I'll slide the book off the shelf and read a favorite passage.

Tonight I'm spending some time with passage #76:

When a man is living, he is soft and supple.
When he is dead, he becomes hard and rigid.
When a plant is living, it is soft and tender.
When it is dead, it becomes withered and dry.

Hence, the hard and rigid belongs to the company of the dead:
The soft and supple belongs to the company of the living.

Therefore, a mighty army tends to fall by its own weight,
Just as dry wood is ready for the axe.

The mighty and great will be laid low;
The humble and weak will be exalted.

Special Delivery (someone needs to step away from Amazon.com)

I love snail mail. My friend Alison, whom I affectionately call (Love) Bug, and I try to send each other letters of the old fashioned variety on a somewhat regular schedule. It's tough to beat coming home to a letter or package from someone you love.

If you had been sitting in my office this week, though, you would have thought that I have an obsession with Amazon.com. You would be right. After a quick survey of this week's packages alone, I vow to take a break from buying books for a while. We'll consider it working towards health goal #3, getting a grip on my finances. I will, however, act as an enabler. Links to everything can be found in the Bookshelf toolbar at the right.

Here's what my friend Tick, the UPS guy, brought me this week:

and

and

I've just started Meditation as Medicine, and am already fascinated. Dr. Khalsa has a beautiful, lyrical way of writing about meditation and its impact. Expect more updates as I work my way through. Maybe then I'll make my way to Michael Pollan, which I've been dying to read.

Some of you probably know how skeptical (read: extremely) I was about the Louise Hay DVD. It was assigned as part of my homework from Women to Women, and boy was I reluctant. I was sure it would be all crystals and pastels and happy clappy touchy feely mantras. Was there a little bit of that? Yes. But mostly it was straightforward, well-produced, encouraging film featuring commentary by some very in-tune, loving, optimistic people. It made me want to add mantras to my daily routine, but I haven't yet struck on one that feels right to me. If you have one that works, I'd love to hear about it. And for now, I'm just glad I got over myself and was able to be open to all the great information in this DVD.

Not done yet. I saved the best for last. While I was at the zoo on Monday, my warm-up materials for the Institute for Integrative Nutrition arrived! Couple that with my tuition payments, and I'm starting to feel like a real student. I haven't delved into these materials much yet, but am looking forward to getting started in the next few days.


For the record, I'm glad I went to the zoo on Monday, even if it meant waiting another day for my materials. We had a blast, and saw lots of amazing animals...

The Amazing Digestive System

Don't worry, folks. No pictures for this post.

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been slowly working my way through Digestive Wellness, by Elizabeth Lipski, Ph.D., C.C.N. I'm a touch obsessed with how the digestive system works, so this book is a pretty exciting read for me. There were a few times while reading yesterday that I was so blown away that I had to pick up the phone and call my mom to share the news. Some were relatively intuitive, and some just blew me away. Here, the mom-worthy portions:

"Chronic stress lengthens the amount of time that food stays in the stomach, while short-term stress usually shortens the emptying time," (p. 24). Makes sense, doesn't it? When you're constantly stressed, and you just feel heavy and sluggish, that's exacerbated by your digestive system being so fatigued that it can't move things along steadily. And when you have a sudden stress -- a break-up, changing jobs, or an exam coming up -- sometimes things go right through you.

"Current research indicates that 70 percent of the immune system is located in or around the digestive system," (p. 27). This made my jaw drop. Seventy percent! If I didn't want to put good, nourishing, whole foods in my body before, I sure do after this statistic. Think about it, sit with it for a bit. A little extra incentive to give your body the raw material it needs to function optimally.

"Serotonin is best known for its role in the brain, but 95 percent of our serotonin is manufactured in the gut. Without adequate amounts, we have insomnia and are depressed," (p. 28). This statistic I had actually heard this past spring, and it was the reason I quit artificial sweeteners and said bye-bye to my beloved Diet Coke. Artificial sweeteners directly interfere with serotonin production, and I, for one, could use every little boost I can get when it comes to falling asleep and staying happy.

For the full story on any of these, I strongly encourage you to check out the book.


New feature alert: Because I'm a bit of a research junkie (No joke. Aftermath from my drunken nights? All the reference books pulled from my shelves, left strewn about the apartment with pages open to quite a random assortment of factoids.), I like to share my favorite resources in case anyone would like to do further reading or see where I get my information. To that end, I've created a Bookshelf sidebar on the left. It's broken down loosely according to categories, and includes links to Amazon so you can easily find the books for yourself. Some of the books I've read cover to cover, but many I dip in and out of as needed. Or after one mojito too many. Hey, I'm a health nut, not a saint.

How Acupuncture Saved my Tuesdays...and other stories

Tuesdays used to be, hands down, my least favorite day of the week. Monday's done a swift job of wiping away the weekend, and you've got a long way to go until Friday. Then, sometime this spring, everything changed: I got acupuncture. My friend Mandy had been getting acupuncture for a few months, and raved about its effects. The group I volunteer with invited Mandy's acupuncturist, Eva, to come speak at our Women and Health seminar, and my curiosity grew even greater. I had to make an appointment.

I had recently starting practicing yoga, and my favorite class was Tuesday nights, but so often I just plum didn't have the motivation to go. Every Tuesday I would have a conversation with myself (it happens more often than I'd like to admit) that went something like this:
- Go. You'll feel better.
- I know I will. But I don't wanna.
- Oh come on. Get off your duff, walk the four blocks to the studio, and work through it. You love Jeremy's class!
- I know! Let me think about it while I eat this ice cream... [insert ice cream eating] Oh...now I can't go. I can't do yoga with a belly full of ice cream.

Acupuncture though, acupuncture was different. What was required of me? An open mind. A list of ailments to present to Eva that I was sure would stump her as it had stumped all my doctors to this point (#1 thing I was not expecting to hear? Her saying Oh this all makes sense together!). A willingness to let a stranger put upwards of two dozen needles all over my body. And lying on a comfy table in relaxing quiet while the needles did their magic.

Hmm...lie on a table, or stretch and sweat. Table please! But then something strange happened. After acupuncture, I felt the most clear-headed, grounded, and energetic I had felt in months. Energy? Me? What was I to do? Oh. Right. Jeremy's yoga class. And with how great I felt post-acupuncture, I had no desire (that's no lie) to dig into ice cream.

Having Tuesday recast in this new light managed to shift my outlook for my entire week. Tuesdays were no longer this wasteland between weekends; they became a night dedicated to my health and wellness. I knew I was busy on Tuesdays, so I didn't make other plans. Often it would be my only night all week to decompress, relax, curl up with a book, check in with myself.

I still go as often as I can, once a week whenever possible, but now I know that I have other tools in my wellness arsenal, too. If I can't go to acupuncture in a given week, I try to compensate by eating particularly well and getting a little more activity, and still taking time for myself. One thing I've really enjoyed about seeing Eva regularly is how well she knows me and my body. She can pick up on subtle changes and knows how to address them. That, and she's not put off by my request to for her to take pictures of me once I've been stuck full of needles. In fact, she wanted to get it just right, so she took two.

Now that's service. What I love about this shot is that you can see my reaction to the needles. Depending on the location, I get very strong blush points/reactions. None too surprising that with all my tummy issues, the points relating to inflammation, which is what you see here, react as if to say "yeah! give me some love!"

Because I am a very curious sort of bear, I usually ask Eva a smattering of acupuncture related questions every time I go. I'm still just beginning to wrap my mind around it all, but she recommended a great book in one of my first visits. The Web That Has No Weaver, by Ted Kaptchuk, O.M.D., is widely recognized as an authority on Eastern medicine. In fact, Dr. Andrew Weil (who works with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, where I just enrolled -- yay!) says it is the book that first piqued his curiosity in Eastern medicine, and continues to be one of the best sources out there. I've only dipped in and out of it, but every time I open it, I learn something fascinating.


Right now I'm my typical post-acupuncture excited mind-whirl, and want to write about all the cool things I learned today while reading Digestive Wellness (from the Good News! post), and my experience meditating last night, and some of my favorite tricks for keeping my kitchen stocked so it's conducive to making better choices. But if I'm going to stick to my bedtime (and I've been slacking lately...) and my 21 day meditation resolution, I'd better sign off for now.

If you've ever tried acupuncture, or are just curious, I'd love to hear about it.

"Good news -- you're missing an enzyme!"

Yesterday I had my first appointment with the Women to Women clinic in almost three years. Of all the pieces in my recent Health Crusade, my appointment with Marcelle might be one of the most critical components. (Though I don't know if it would have been quite so productive if I weren't already taking care of a lot of other pieces: following my new sleep regimen, doing an elimination diet, getting regular acupuncture, making sure I get a nice dose of sunlight (and sweat) every day, and being mindful of trying to keep only positive influences in my life. It's a system. It's always a system.)

So what great insight did Marcelle have to offer?

1. "Love your job. As it is, right now. Look at everything else it lets you do."
I like my job. I do. The people are wonderful, the environment is stimulating, and I feel valued. The work I do, though, isn't exactly exciting. But Marcelle pointed out that this is a good thing given everything else going on in my life. I'm fortunate--my life is very full, but sometimes this means I don't give as much focus to things I should. Like, oh, say, my health over the past year. This job has given me the space and mental energy to refocus and really work to solve my health issues. It's working. And now, rather than lament the fact that I spend most of my day managing calendars and assembling contracts, I'm grateful for everything this position gives me.

2. "No, that's not normal. That's because of the enzyme you're missing. You do remember that you're missing an enzyme, right?"
Nope! I'd completely forgotten! I'm going to go ahead and assume that I did actually listen when she first told me I was missing an enzyme three years ago. That is the kind of thing that tends to get lost in the shuffle when you're hearing that you'll never get to eat pasta, bagels, pizza, cake, or beer ever again. (Of course, the other great news is that with more of us Celiacs around, the gluten-free market is taking off. I'll link to all my favorite gluten-free goodies soon.) So, when I mentioned to Marcelle that I've been eating like a saint and my tummy's still a little off most days, and is that just a function of changing my diet to 75% raw fruits and veggies, I was relieved to hear her say this wasn't normal. I was even more relieved when she had the solution for me in the very next sentence: you're missing an enzyme, but we can work around that. She's sending me the necessary supplements, and, with any luck, I'll be able to report back shortly that they're working. After all, I felt great when I took them three years ago. (Honestly. How did I completely forget that I'm missing an enzyme? Who forgets something like that?)

3. "You're on the right track."
It was just nice to hear it from an expert. I don't know the last time I've worked as hard at something as I've worked at getting healthy lately. Yes, I'm feeling better than I ever have, but it's still really nice to get a little proverbial pat on the back from someone I admire.

4. Homework!
Ah yes. No hiding my (not-so-)inner nerd now. Knowing that I like to read everything about health and nutrition that I can get my hands on, Marcelle made a few recommendations. I tried to split my practicality with my desire for instant gratification, so I bought one book at the bookstore, and then ordered the DVD Marcelle recommended and a cookbook I'd been meaning to buy from Amazon.

The latest addition to the bookshelf is Digestive Wellness by Liz Lipski Ph.D., CCN. I really appreciate the quote at the start of the introduction: "If the patient has been to more than four physicians, nutrition is probably the medical answer," Abraham Hoffer, M.D., Ph.D. I know that's not always true, but for me, it's certainly been the case. This might be one of the major things I love about nutrition -- you can heal yourself with your kitchen. How cool is that? Kris Carr likes to call Whole Foods her pharmacy. I still visit my CVS, but I have to say, for the most part, I agree.

I'm waiting for a DVD called You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. My sister raves about Louise Hay, but I've always been a little skeptical. Some of her ideas seem a little out there, even for me, and I love alternative healing. I think -- if taken with a grain of salt -- there's probably a lot of really great stuff in this series. Apparently I'm supposed to "work with the DVD" every day. We'll see how I do.

And last but not least is the cookbook I was supposed to buy when I first started the FareWell elimination diet. Whoops. I was too preoccupied with my new juicer (carrot-beet-celery juice and carrot-apple-fennel juice. YUM!) to even think about cooking. Of course, now that the order's been placed, I want Marjorie Hurt Jones, R.N.'s The Allergy Self-Help Cookbook to arrive, oh, today.


There were lots of other things that came up in the conversation, but those were my big take-aways. Now, back to work. At the job I'm grateful for because of everything it lets me do.