Tough Week

Rationally, I know how good my life is. I know how kiss-the-earth lucky I am. That doesn't mean that some weeks it feels like the universe is just unloading on me. On Sunday night I took quite a spill on my bike. I'll spare you pictures of my bruises (about seven covering knees-to-ankles on both legs), but my camera did happen to fall out of my bag and take a picture of the bike:

I'll take this chance to make the requisite wear your helmet plug. Fortunately I didn't get too badly hurt, but my legs were banged up enough to make yoga nearly impossible for the past week.

On Tuesday I got some pretty bummer news that I didn't see coming. Is it for the best? Yeah, it is. Doesn't mean it's fun though.

Then, on Thursday, as I'm stressed and scrambling to meet a deadline for an enormous project, I get sick at work and have to go home early. I spend the next forty-eight hours in bed (ok, ok, with a great book and stack of Woody Allen movies, but still), and miss a conference in D.C. that I had been looking forward to, despite any moaning and groaning on my part. To make my deadline on time, I had to go to the office on Sunday to do some more data mining.

All things considered, things could be much worse, I know. Everything I got dealt is temporary: bruises fade, emotions bounce back, the flu passes. But it still sucks. My inclination is to put on a happy face, say everything's fine, fake it 'til you make it. I think in many instances, that works. Then I remember an assignment I got from Eva, my wonderful acupuncturist.

She said I have to -- brace yourselves -- start feeling my feelings.

She's right, of course. The only thing is, feelings can be so stinking inconvenient. And if you feel your feelings, doesn't that mean you're more likely to show you're feelings? And if you do show your feelings, that just makes you plum vulnerable. Scary stuff.

I'm working on it, though. It's a fun project when you feel overjoyed or peaceful or goofy. A little (lot) less so when you feel so angry you wish you still had a punching bag, or so sad you just want to lie in puddle on your kitchen floor. I'm trying to compromise. I'm trying to, well, speed feel. It takes about three minutes, and goes like this... Acknowledge I feel angry. Throw things (that won't break) and listen to loud, angry music. Cut myself off after a minute before it spirals. Do something productive.

It's a start. Besides, the productive stuff is where I want to be spending my energy. I don't want all the other crap "to win"; I want it to propel me to be better. I'd rather think about paintings I've wanted to make but been too scared to try because what if *gasp* it sucks. I'd rather take out my guitar that I have touched in five years because I've never been any good, and finally learn how to play my favorite songs. I'd rather catch up on letters and phone calls with old friends. I'd rather find new recipes to cook and foster friendships with people to cook for.

So yeah, it's been a really tough week. I'm still under the weather, and I still have some major, stressful deadlines looming at work. But I also helped the women's group I volunteer with to have a successful first event. I went out to dinner and had a wonderful time with a dozen hilarious Europeans. I had a glass of wine with friends I haven't seen in weeks, and then paid a visit to another friend I've only recently gotten to really know. I caught up with one of my favorite girlfriends from college, and then got into an engaging debate about politics with other friends of ours we happened to bump into as we left the bar. I got a fierce new haircut (if I may say so myself) and some killer new boots. I scoured my apartment, watched movies that remind me of one of my favorite people in the world, and have worked my fingertips almost raw on my guitar. Things will ebb and flow, and I have some amazing people by my side as the tides change. If I have to feel my feelings, after all, they'd better be the good ones. Right?

Acupuncture and Breast Cancer

The New York Times ran an article yesterday promoting the benefits of acupuncture as a means of relief for breast cancer patients. I'm always a little amused when these methods of healing with centuries and millennia of history are billed as "unconventional," but at least it's getting press. The full text is below; I'd be interested to know your thoughts.
____________________________________________________________

Treatments for breast cancer can lead to unpleasant side effects for most women, including hot flashes, sweating and lack of energy. Now, new research suggests relief can come from an unconventional therapy — acupuncture.

Research from the Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, presented this week at the American Society for Therapeutic Radiology and Oncology’s annual meeting in Boston, studied acupuncture use among 47 women who were receiving anti-estrogen treatments, including tamoxifen or anastrozole (Arimidex). The drugs are known to lower the risk of breast cancer recurrence, but they can trigger menopause-like symptoms, including hot flashes and night sweats. Half the women were given the antidepressant Effexor, which has been shown to reduce hot flashes in breast cancer patients. The other half received acupuncture therapy once or twice a week during the 12-week study.

The acupuncture worked just as well as the antidepressant Effexor to curb hot flashes. Women who received acupuncture also reported fewer side effects and more energy, and some reported an increased sex drive, compared to women who used Effexor, the study showed.

Dr. Eleanor M. Walker, director of breast radiation oncology at the Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, said that while she expected to see some benefits from acupuncture, the results were surprising.

“I was surprised by the duration of the effect,” Dr. Walker said. “I didn’t realize it would last so long or result in an increase in sex drive and energy. That was a surprise.”

Last year, a report in The Journal of Clinical Oncology suggested a benefit of acupuncture compared to a “sham” acupuncture treatment, but the results didn’t reach statistical significance.

Because the most recent study lasted only three months, it’s not clear how long the benefit of acupuncture lasts. The study authors said that more research is needed to find out if regular “booster” sessions after the initial treatment period will continue to relieve a woman’s symptoms.

Wiped Out

It's true, I've been a lousy poster as of late. My post-a-day goal when I started has dwindled to a post-a-week during September. It's not that I haven't been thinking about holistic health, or come up with things I've wanted to share. It's just that I've been absurdly exhausted lately. In bed at 8:30 on a Friday night kind of exhausted. In fact, in the last two weeks, I think I've been asleep before 10pm a record-breaking (for me) four times. I've canceled plans, postponed visits, delayed obligations. I'm not quite sure why I've been so beat, but I do know I had to just give into it and let it win. Maybe my body's been fending off these colds that have been going around, or maybe I've just had trouble adjusting to the change of seasons. Maybe it's work stress, or maybe it's frustration over a lot of little things. In the end, I suppose it's ok that I don't know why I'm so tired, just that I honor the exhaustion and give myself a free pass every once in a while.

That said, I'm an optimist, and there's something about today that makes me think I'm starting to turn the corner. I made myself a delicious raw vegan smoothie packed with all sorts of healthy things, like my magic enzyme powder and flax seeds and mango. I have acupuncture after work, and then my favorite yoga class a little while after that. I've recommitted to a booze-free lifestyle (for the time being), and am letting myself say no to things that seem more draining than restorative.

And now, back to work while my head is still clear. My to-do list is a bit daunting at the moment...

Yoga. Finally.

Yoga has been on my list of my three health things for over a month now. Tonight, I finally went. I had decided yesterday that tonight would be my night off. I would decline all invitations that came my way -- even if, gasp! they were work related -- treat myself to yoga class, and have a quiet evening in to do as I wish. No networking, no catching up on to-do lists, no doing things I should do. Just enjoy an evening nourishing myself.

All afternoon I looked forward to this. Then, at ten of five, I got hit with a whopper at work. Being me, I started spinning and planning and panicking, all in the name of solving it and making it perfect right now. Guess how effective that was. I came home, opened a (gluten free) beer, and called my wise mama for some insight/comfort. I know, I know. With all my liver chi stagnation, a beer was probably the last thing I needed. But sometimes, you just say forget it. Beer or no beer, though I was going to go splurge on a yoga class.

I bought an unlimited month. Not the best move for my credit card (it seems I can't quite focus on all three of my health things at the same time, can I), but a great move for my body and heart. It was a 101 class, back to basics, especially as I hadn't gone since May. Some poses felt so wonderful and familiar, some poses left me surprised that I could do them, and others left me able only to focus on the burning in my muscles. All of it left me feeling more peaceful and in tune with my body than I have been in a long, long time. Going to the gym in the morning is great, and I feel satisfied when I crank out time on the erg or lift weights, but it just doesn't compare to my yoga high.

My back and shoulders are already sore, but my posture is also naturally better than it was just this afternoon. I'm breathing easier. Much (not all) of my tension and panic from 5pm has dissipated. I don't know how the situation is going to be resolved, but I know I'll make something work, and I know I have family and friends around to support me along the way.

The added bonus to a yoga practice is that it makes it really easy for me to honor my body's wants and needs. Comfort food becomes something that nourishes me rather than some processed fatty, salty food. Tonight I had half of a perfectly ripe avocado, a serving of delicious quinoa pasta with organic sauce from Trader Joe's, and two tablespoons of flax seeds sprinkled on top. A far cry from the M&Ms and Tostitos I wanted to pick up on my way home from work.

(The opening photo, of Eagle Pose, was taken from here, and was my favorite pose of the night.)

Celiac Disease and Enzyme Deficiencies

One of my favorite people in the entire world, my friend Mo, is in med school right now. I would say she's pretty old school Western medicine, but she always listens with an open mind when I talk about my latest health and medical findings, regardless of whether it's from an Eastern or Western background; so long as the science is there, she's all for it. She's infinitely better at science than I am (I think I scraped out a B- in 9th grade bio; she's, um, in med school), and sometimes my attempt at scientific explanations fall a little (or a lot) short, which leaves me frustrated. Every once in a while, though, something I've read or experienced will come up a few days later in one of her classes, which causes us both to geek out a little bit. I'm also happy to report that Celiac Disease gets a semi-regular mention, so with any luck, future doctors will be even better equipped to help patients navigate that lifestyle.

Mo and I grabbed dinner towards the end of my elimination diet, and we talked a bit about what I'd uncovered about how my body processes food. Yesterday, I got a pretty awesome e-mail from her. Here's an excerpt:

As for the celiac tidbit, I learned that the disease affects primarily Caucasians, esp. Celtics and Swedes! So yeah, you know... you! AND that virtually all Celiac patients have a disaccharide deficiency, which is an enzyme that breaks down disaccharides into monosaccharides, and therefore often have an intolerance to lactose and sucrose. Which makes your elimination diet results you were telling me make TOTAL sense! It was sugar and milk right?? (I don't think I made that up... haha)

So there you go -- it turns out I might not be quite the medical mystery I thought I was. Man do I love when all the little pieces start to fit together.

Food Journal

I hate them. I've tried keeping them numerous times over the years, and every time, I make it one, maybe two days before I say forget it. Part of my problem, I think, is that I was trying to be too detailed in what I logged. Neurotic measurements, precise calorie counts, time records to the minute. For some people, that may be the right path to take; for me, it was too much.

It's time for me to take another stab at it though. This time, I'm just going to jot down the time and rough amount of what I ate. Portions aren't my big problem. An overwhelming love for sugar is. To that end, the point of this food journal will just be to bring a mindfulness and accountability back to what I'm eating. It's already helped me make better choices this morning -- I had 3/4c. organic plain yogurt with a tablespoon or so of sunflower seeds and a handful of raisins mixed in, instead of having puffed corn cereal with rice milk. Or, more to the point, instead of also having puffed corn cereal with rice milk.

Part of why I decided to start this today is that it's a baseball day -- hurrah! I'm going to the last businessperson's special of the season for the Phillies (which means I'm going to be tempted by gluten free beer and crab fries), and then the Sox are on ESPN (which means I'll be grabbing a stool at my favorite bar to watch the game). I don't expect to be a saint, but maybe a food journal will help me scale back the indulgences a little bit. Stay tuned.

Muscle Head

Yesterday I did something I don't think I'd ever done before.

I went to the gym before work.

Sure, there've been days that I've done some crunches and lunges in the morning, taken a walk. But I can't recall ever being at the gym at 7:30am, setting myself up at the free weights, and pumping out sets. The experience surprised me -- not only did I get up in time to go work out, but I was able to push myself enough so that I feel just the right level of sore this morning. It wasn't my longest workout, or my hardest workout, but it was a good workout.

Cardio isn't my thing. I like running around the city (can't wait to lace up my sneakers when my foot is healed), and I love riding my bike along the river or trails, but slogging away on the machines at the gym bores me. I'll do it when I go, but it's not what I look forward to. Lifting weights, however, is something I actually find fun. Free weights almost exclusively. As someone who likes structure and the ability to monitor progress, I've decided I need to get more deliberate in my lifting in order to stay motivated.

Which is why I want to start keeping workout logs. For now, I suppose I'll just mock something up in Excel, but if you have template you like, or any pointers on a good way to do this, I'd love to hear about it. I also found this workout from Women's Health. It looks like it hits all the major muscle groups, and is certainly an efficient way to get hrough your a.m. routine. I'll give it a shot tomorrow and let you know how it goes.

Thanks, Lovies.

Over the past few days, I've gotten so many wonderful comments on this little thing. Some were from friends (thanks DD, thanks Maggie), and one or two came from strangers or anonymous folks. These comments -- coupled with live-time encouragement from my spectacular friends and family -- have given me a much-needed boost. I feel like I've lost my holistic health mojo a little bit as of late, and all this positivity has, I hope, given me the push I needed.

My icky-tasting, nowhere-near-cheap enzyme-loaded powder came in the mail today, and I can't believe how excited I got about it. I hadn't reordered in time, so I haven't had it these last two weeks. This time I ordered a month and a half's supply. That's one point for health. And, lucky for me (in this case, at least), I tend to be all or nothing, which means the health crusade is back on.

Part of the fire in the beginning was the challenge to figure out the unknown. At my cousin's wedding this weekend, my mom and my friend/brother's girlfriend were talking about the creative process, and how projects can seem so exciting in the beginning -- just up until the point when you can see how it's going to end up. I think, in a way, that's how I felt about my health. This summer tipped me over the edge to finally solve my health problems. Crazy part is, now that I know what I need to do (no caffeine, strict sleep regimen, exercise, acupuncture, tons and tons of raw fruits and veggies, minimal booze, meditation, skip the sugar, get lots of sunlight, take my thyroid medication, keep the probiotics coming, and, by all means, stay on the enzyme-fueling powder), I feel, well, lazy about it.

Which, of course, makes me want to shake myself by the shoulders and yell, "What are you doing?!" For years I've just wanted someone to tell me what the heck I should do to feel healthy. Now I know. So why have I only been doing it about 70%? How do I get myself up to that 95%-100% range so I can wake up feeling spectacular and energized, with glowing skin and radiant energy? After all, who wouldn't want that?

So here's the game plan. First, give myself credit for what I am doing. (Um, hello zero caffeine, to name the biggie.) Second, get excited about the powders and pills and other tools I have to jump start my system; all I have to do is take them. Third, and the part I'm most excited about, go to the gorgeous gym at my alma mater/current place of employment. I joined last week, and can't wait to go lift weights again in an environment I know and am comfortable in. Plus, I can see the gym every time I walk out of my office -- no pretending it's not convenient. I think (hope) that with this redevotion, the pieces might start to fall back into place.

Another thing I'm working hard on is to be kinder to myself. I forget where I heard it, but you should never speak to yourself in a way you wouldn't speak to your best friend or your daughter. I would never berate my best friend for only succeeding 70%. But I would encourage her to keep pushing herself so she can feel her best. We'll give it a shot, right?

Don't Go It Alone

Before I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease, there were some days that were, to put it mildly, really tough. At times the pain was so severe I could barely move. Putting on shoes and socks was unbearable, and even just walking down the hall to use the restroom would take me as long as twenty minutes. I had no choice but learn how to ask for help.

Fortunately, I have a very loving and patient family, and, when I went back to school, had very loving and patient roommates. On the worst days, they would help out by running an errand for me, or just bringing me a snack on the couch.

After the diagnosis, I was once again able to maneuver around easily. I didn't need people to do the little things for me in the same way. My inclination was to say to myself, Great, I learned how to ask for help; now I hope I don't have to do it again. Wrong. What I've learned since then is to go ahead and ask for help when I need it -- with the big things and the little things. When I'm reluctant, I remind myself that I would always want to help my friends and family if they gave me the choice; I trust I'm not the only one who feels that way.

Today's been a little rough, and the Diet Cokes we keep in the fridge in my office for guests have been taunting me again. I haven't had one since my first day of work here, but oh how I want one today. Instead of reaching into the fridge, though, I reached out to my friend Maggie, the biggest anti-Diet Coke advocate I know.

Here's what I sent to her:
"There's a whole bunch of them [Diet Cokes] in my fridge at work, and I want one -- BIG TIME. Please tell me not to have one."

And here's what she responded within the hour:
" Do NOT have one.... it is a slippery slope my dear!"

So I resisted. I stepped away from the caffeine and chemicals and got a water. Next time you're tempted to make a decision you know deep down you don't want to make, call on your support network. Even for something as seemingly small as resisting the Diet Coke.

Lasagna Update

Yes, I felt it warranted an update.

This week is the fourth and final Wednesday Concert in the Park here in Philly. It has fast become one of my absolute favorite parts of this summer. Each week for the past month, I've gotten together with friends, friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends. We claim a plot of park and settle in with wine, cheese, and any number of other delicious treats. One thing I really appreciate about this particular group is the density of foodies, though, I have to say, my friend Art takes the foodie cake. He runs a powerhouse website chronicling the food and booze news in Philadelphia, after all. (Seriously, don't miss out. Check out foobooz.com, and check it often.) Needless to say, I'm on a quest to impress Mr. Foobooz with my culinary skills. To that end, I've made a big dish of the raw vegan lasagna to bring to the park tomorrow.


I'll let you know the verdict. Fingers crossed that I get a rave review.

Raw Vegan "Lasagna"...Is Delicious

I feel like I can't keep up with all the posts I want to write, but eventually they'll all make their way up here, if not in the ideal order. I have yet to post about my meals in NYC this past weekend, but I'm going to skip ahead to tonight's dinner, a loose reproduction of my Saturday night entree.

But first, a quick nod to juice. As you know, I love the stuff. As you probably also know by know, I am a huge fan of cocktails. I have yet to make fresh juice to mix into a cocktail, but I have started passing my juice off as a cocktail in and of itself. Here, yesterday's carrot juice cocktail -- on the rocks -- in all its glory.


In case you didn't figure it out by the title of the post, I made raw vegan lasagna for dinner tonight. When I ate it at Pure Food and Wine over the weekend, I couldn't believe how dang tasty the stuff was. With the aide of the (un)cookbook Raw Food/Real World [see bookshelf at right], courtesy of my beloved Snacks, I was eager to give it a shot. I didn't recreate the recipe faithfully (I almost never do), but I think it came out quite well. It even passed the man test. A health-conscious, veggie-loving man, but still.

For the pesto, I took about 2.5 cups of basil, maybe a 1/4 cup of sunflower seeds, one clove of garlic, a tablespoon or two of lemon juice, a drizzle of amazing olive oil, some salt, and some pepper, and put it in the cuisinart attachment of my blender. (Oh, I also hate measuring; I play to taste, not numbers. Sorry if that isn't super helpful.)


Before:
After:


The "ricotta" (I know, I know. It's not ricotta. It's not cheese. Call it something else. But for ease of explanation, we'll call it "ricotta," eh?) was about a cup and a third of soaked raw pine nuts, about a tablespoon or so of nutritional yeast, a little more lemon juice, a pinch of kosher salt, and water added slowly until it became the consistency of ricotta. This was also whipped up in the cuisinart attachment.

For the tomato sauce...I cheated. I bought a jar of Trader Joe's organic tomato sauce. It's been cooked. So sue me.

To assemble it all, I peeled the zucchini and cut into thin (1/8") strips. I topped with the "ricotta," pesto, and sliced cherry tomatoes from my sister's garden. These tomatoes made the dish. Try to tell me these don't look beyond delicious:


I just kept layering the zucchini, ricotta, pesto, and tomatoes until I liked the look of it. Best part? No waiting for it to cook. Assemble and devour. Hurrah for instant gratification.

We paired it with one of my favorite wines, a 2005 J. Lohr Cabernet Sauvignon. My friend Brooke gave me a bottle of this once, and I always think of her and her family, which only makes the wine that much more wonderful.

It's the Little Things

I love Yogi Tea. Last time I went to the store, I bought so many boxes (only five!) that the cashier couldn't help but make a comment. Part of why I love the tea is definitely the result of some great packaging on their end. I love the yogic exercises on the box, but more than that, I love the simple one-liners on the tea bag label. I used to have one taped to my computer at work. I have one on my fridge that says "May you have faith in your worth and act with wisdom." The tea I'm drinking right now says "Let your manners speak for you."

The quotes are always simple, but they're consistently a nice reminder of how I want to live my life. Yes, my tea company knows how I want to live my life. And part of what keeps me coming back for more is to find out which quote I'll get next. Well done, Yogi Tea marketing department. Well done.

Go Green for Your Liver

In part of my ongoing saga of trying to make up with my liver and its chi, one action keeps bubbling to surface: go green. With my diet, that is. Last week Eva told me to add lots and lots of leafy greens to my diet; it's helpful for getting the liver chi moving. And, let me tell you, if there's one thing I'd like to do, it's get my liver chi flowing freely. I've been limiting my alcohol and trying to move more (two big pluses for moving that chi), and I've been letting this "stimulate the liver chi" thought roll around in my head as I've been chugging along, eating and reading all manner of things.

Lately I've become increasingly interested in a raw diet. In addition to eating at the raw food mecca, Pure Food and Wine, I've been reading and re-reading my books on raw "cooking." Doesn't hurt that these are all my most sumptuously photographed and written books. Yes, there was a whole team at work to make these books sexy, but there's something about raw food that's just, well, hot. When you eat raw, you're in tune with nature and with your body. Just think of all the exciting ways that impacts your life.

To that end, I've started reading Sarma Melngailis's blog. This post about getting more greens all but whopped me over the head. I already planned to go to the produce stand to get the last few ingredients I need to make her raw lasagna and sangria, and now I'm inspired to add a whole mess of greens to my cart. I think I'm on the right track, because when I woke up this morning, I craved (I kid you not) a big glass of cucumber-celery juice, so I think I'm on the right track, and I think my body's ready to make this commitment.


Maybe this is the recharge I've been looking for. I love her approach -- be kind to yourself, no rules about what not to eat or regimen about what to eat, just eat more of the good stuff. Much more. That, that I can do.

Is Decaf Better?

One of the cool things about this new venture (the holistic health counseling career track) is that friends and family now come to me with all sorts of health/diet related questions. Sometimes I know the answer. Often I don't. Which makes sense -- I haven't gone to school yet, have I? I love the questions, though, because they prompt me to research things I wouldn't otherwise think of. There's one question I was hesitant to look into, however. Snacks asked if decaf coffee is indeed worse for you than caffeinated coffee, due to the chemicals used in the process to extract the caffeine.

After some preliminary research (and if you have articles on the subject, I'd love to read them), my answer is the ever-so-helpful: It depends.

As a general rule, the thought of ingesting chemicals in the guise of food freaks me out. It's what caused me to give up artificial sweeteners and fake food like those weird frozen "yogurts" that are on every corner in New York. That said, if you have a fierce coffee habit, and caffeine has a strong negative impact on how you feel, I think decaf can be a good transitional aide. For me, I think caffeine is worse for my body right now than some chemicals that may or may not remain in the decaf coffee. Here's what the all-knowing Wikipedia had to say about the subject:

Decaffeinated coffee is also regarded as a potential health risk to pregnant women due to the high incidence of chemical solvents used to extract the caffeine. The impact of these chemicals is debated, however, as the solvents in question evaporate at 80–90 °C, and coffee beans are decaffeinated before roasting, which occurs at approximately 200 °C. As such, these chemicals, namely trichloroethane and methylene chloride, are present in trace amounts at most, and may not pose a significant threat to embryos and fetuses.

I'm not pregnant, but I often wonder about all those things pregnant women aren't supposed to eat because of how it will affect the fetus. Doesn't it make sense that those are things that maybe people just shouldn't eat in general? Think about it.

But I digress. I don't think caffeine is unhealthy for most people. Unless you have heart, sleep, anxiety, or blood sugar disorders, it's probably fine for you. Best not to have it, but not likely the first thing most people should address in their diets. If, however, you do suffer when you take caffeine, be aware that there is no national standard of what should be labeled as "decaf" when it comes to brewed coffee. The New York Times did an interesting piece showing that many decaf coffees from the major coffee stops -- Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks, etc. -- do in fact contain caffeine, sometimes as much as a can of Coke.

How is this information going to influence my coffee decisions? I'll probably revert back to the very very occasional decaf coffee, and keep away from the caffeine. It should be easier when the temperature drops, as I'll be craving more tea and less iced coffee. (Though I will always miss the caffeine-saturated Pumpkin Spice brew from Bucks County Coffee.) File this one away under the ever-popular heading of "In Moderation."

Blessed

Throughout the weekend, one thought keeps looping through my mind:

I am so blessed.

Last week was a tough one for me. Panic attacks resurfaced, things at work got shuffled a bit, and a very dear family friend passed away. Not surprisingly, I felt wiped out and depleted. What made it even more frustrating was all the great stuff from last week that I could acknowledge intellectually as being wonderful, and there were even moments when my heart skipped a bit, but nothing positive was able to sift down and really take up residence.

My "emergency" acupuncture on Thursday helped reset things, and I haven't felt any panic since, which is a huge relief. Eva was also helpful in pointing out that I need to be easier on myself and let go of my perfectionist attitude, at least a little. On Friday night, I was supposed to go to New York to visit my dearest friend, "Snacks," but felt too overwhelmed to make the short trip. She, being the wonderful soul she is, understood and said I should come up whenever felt right. I was on the train at 7:30 on Saturday morning, feeling fortified after a relaxing night in. But everything kept irritating me more than it should have/would have on any other day.

Bit by bit, though, I was able to let go. And that's when the refrain started to bubble up. For the rest of the weekend, all I could think was how blessed I am. I was able to spend Saturday with a friend I consider a sister and my wonderful, wise, beautiful mother. We ate delicious food, sampled a few sangrias (whoops), and caught up and laughed for hours. We met another great friend, Maggie, for a glass of wine, and after it all, Snacks and I went to surprise another old friend in Brooklyn.

Connecting with these incredible people from all different stages of my life was restorative in a way I wasn't expecting. There was a particular ease that comes from being with people who know who you are at your core. And the agave-nectar-sweetened icing on the gluten free cake? Presents. That's right. I got presents.

Mom treated us to all the amazing food (details in a future post) and some new shoes (yay!). Snacks surprised me with this amazing book I'd been drooling over, by the founders of the restaurant where we had dinner, Pure Food and Wine. I'm not really one to rush out to the latest hot spot, but after reading about it on Kris Carr's blog in July, I've been dying to get over there. I was thrilled with the experience. Maggie handed over her umbrella so I wouldn't get caught in the rain en route to Brooklyn, and when I arrived there, Alison, a friend for over two decades, surprised me with belated birthday presents, including a gorgeous journal.

And that was just one day! On Sunday I got to have brunch with Snacks and my friend Cas, another post-worthy meal. I took it easy again last night, which I needed to do, but I'm finally starting to feel restored and ready for the new week.