The Tao

In my family, each person has a copy of the Tao Teh Ching. The book is sacred to me for its content, but also for how much I feel connected to my family through it. In 1999, my wise dad gave each of his three children a beautiful copy for Christmas. He inscribed it simply with "Into the next millennium." Like most of my books, it's not something I simply sit down and read; I pull it out and dip in and out at will. I always come back to it, though. Sometimes, if I want a path for my meditation, I'll slide the book off the shelf and read a favorite passage.

Tonight I'm spending some time with passage #76:

When a man is living, he is soft and supple.
When he is dead, he becomes hard and rigid.
When a plant is living, it is soft and tender.
When it is dead, it becomes withered and dry.

Hence, the hard and rigid belongs to the company of the dead:
The soft and supple belongs to the company of the living.

Therefore, a mighty army tends to fall by its own weight,
Just as dry wood is ready for the axe.

The mighty and great will be laid low;
The humble and weak will be exalted.

Sleep Hygiene

I've touched on sleep hygiene in the past, but thought I'd post the handout I got from the Penn Sleep Center. It is more detailed than things I've written about, and for anyone suffering with insomnia, I want to offer as many resources as possible. So, without further ado, the wonderful tips from the Penn Center for Sleep Disorders. My input is in italics; the rest is right from the experts.

Sleep Hygiene

A. Maintain a regular sleep/wake schedule
1. Keep the same rise time and bedtime every day. Fun? Not so much. Worth it? Absolutely. This was one of the most helpful tips for me.

B. Maintain a healthy diet
1. Include foods high in carbohydrates. I would add that they should be complex carbohydrates, like whole grains and produce. Refined carbs, like white bread and white rice, are going to convert to sugar much more quickly, which can destabilize your blood sugar and make it more difficult to sleep.
2. Foods that contain carbohydrates are: breads, pasta, rice, cereal, fruits, vegetables, & milk.
3. Going to bed hungry or eating a large meal before bedtime can worsen sleep.
4. If hungry at bedtime, eat a light snack or drink a glass of milk.

C. Avoid or minimize the use of caffeine. My friend Maggie would say this is cruel and unusual punishment, and might not even be humanly possible. It is difficult, especially if you've got a serious coffee habit. But if you have trouble sleeping, caffeine's only going to make it worse. Try to taper off, and eventually -- I promise -- you'll be sleeping better and need it less. (Don't worry, Maggie. If you sleep fine, I'm not going to suggest you give up the good stuff.)
1. It is a stimulant that interferes with sleep.
2. The effects can last as long as 8-14 hours.
3. One cup of coffee contains 100mg of caffeine and takes 3 hours to leave the body.
4. Most sodas and teas, some headache and cold medicines, and most diet pills (evil buggers!) will worsen sleep.
5. It is recommended not to drink coffee, tea or soda after Lunch. If you continue to have difficulty falling asleep, avoid drinking caffeinated beverages after Breakfast. I'll say it again -- if you're a particularly atrocious sleeper like I am, you're probably better off without any caffeine at all. I found it was the ritual I missed in the morning, almost as much as the caffeine. Now I make tea to sip while I get ready for the day. It's a different ritual, but a ritual nonetheless.

D. Avoid alcohol. I hate this one. I hate how important it is, and what a difference it makes in my life if I'm drinking or not. This might be the most frustrating for me. As with caffeine, I try to supplement the ritual. My bartenders know if I'm not sipping a Bluecoat gimlet, I'm going to be drinking club soda with lime by the gallon.
1. You may feel it helps you get to sleep, but for most people it causes awakenings as well as poor sleep later in the night. It's true. Drat.
2. Alcohol can make snoring and sleep apnea worse.

E. Smoking cigarettes will interfere with sleep. Just in case you needed another reason to quit...
1. If you currently smoke, begin to cut back on nighttime smoking.
2. Stopping smoking is a helpful step to improving your sleep. The best way to quit smoking is to be involved in a group meeting along with the patch or gum.

F. Over-the-counter sleeping medications:
1. None of the medications currently available OTC help you get into deep sleep. I took Tylenol PM almost every night for ten years. It's horrifying to think of all the REM sleep I missed. It also feels absolutely amazing to not depend on it any longer; I know longer feel anxious if I spend the night somewhere and forgot to bring Tylenol PM or Benadryl. Knowing I don't need it makes it that much easier to fall asleep.
2. These medications only help you fall asleep faster.
3. OTC sleeping pills may make your sleep worse later in the night like alcohol.

G. Maintain a regular exercise schedule. Just in case you needed another reason to start exercising...
1. Walking is an excellent form of exercise. The best time is early in the morning (7am-9am). I personally think that you walk is much more important then when you walk. If after work is more likely to become a habit for you, embrace it. Just get fresh air and some blood moving.
2. Light stretching can be done on rainy days.
3. Guard against strenuous exercise before bedtime. It is too stimulating and may prevent you from falling asleep.

Night Time Tips

A. Do not nap during the day (unless your sleep doctor has told you that you may).
1. Not napping will allow you to sleep much better at night.
2. Exercise instead of napping. This is one of those tips that makes me want to say, "You've never suffered from really serious insomnia, have you? You try exercising after getting two hours of sleep all week." That said...if you can reach down and pull this off, I bet it would help. I don't let myself nap, but I have yet to be barely able to stay awake and then decide to go running. If you can do that -- huge kudos to you.
3. Stay active during the day when you feel sleepy.

B. Eat meals at the same time each day, every day. OK, I just saw this for the first time. Haven't tried it, but I imagine it helps in getting your body on schedule. File that one away.
1. 3 to 4 small meals per day are better than 1 to 2 big meals.

C. Plan evening activities that promote relaxation.
1. Read or listen to music.
2. Avoid using watching TV in bed to fall asleep. The late night news in not very relaxing. I would take this a bit further -- avoid all screens 90 minutes before bedtime. Dim lights will help you transition more easily.
3. Meditate before bed. (That isn't on the Sleep Clinic list. I think it should be.)

D. If you tend to worry about things while lying in bed:
1. Make a list of things to deal with tomorrow. I keep paper and a pen next to bed so I can jot down things that pop into my head, rather than worry about remembering them.
2. Make a list of things to do before bedtime. Part of my night time routine includes doing a quick pick-up of my apartment. Otherwise I lie in bed thinking about the dishes in the sink. This pretty much tops the list of Things Not Worth Losing Sleep Over.

E. Keep regular bedtimes and rise times.

F. Do not spend too much time in bed "chasing sleep." In other words, if you're not sleeping, get out of bed and do something else. It may seem counterproductive, but it helps train your body that bed is for sleeping, not thinking. With time, this can prove to be one of the most useful tips.

G. Do not attempt to "make up for lost sleep" on weekends or holidays. It may not work and it means you are not up to par for the second half of the week.

H. Develop a sleep ritual: do the same things each evening before retiring for the night to give your body the cues that it is time to settle down.

I. Relax in bed.
1. Take several deep breaths (in through your nose and out through your mouth) while lying in bed and relax tense muscles, starting with your toes and working up to your head.

J. If you can't fall asleep:
1. Get up and move to another room.
2. Stay up until you are sleepy and then return to bed.
3. If you still cannot fall asleep, get up again.
4. Repeat this cycle until you fall asleep.

K. Do not use your bed as a place to read, watch television, argue, or catch up on office work. This was really tough for me to give up. My bed is by far the most comfortable place in my apartment, and sometimes all I want is to lie in bed and read the paper or dive into a book. Right now, I'm on the search for a comfy chair instead.

L. Set your alarm to get up at the same time each morning, regardless of how much sleep you got during the night, in order to maintain a consistent sleep/wake schedule. In case you weren't counting, this is the third time they've mentioned this. It's important. If you do only three things, tips J, K, and L would be my strongest recommendations.

M. Keep the bedroom dark and at a temperature that is most comfortable for you so that you are not waking up too cool or too hot.

N. Block out noises that can disturb your sleep.
1. Sponge earplugs or "white noise" made by fans, air conditions, or a white noise machine.

O. Go to bed only when you are sleepy.

P. Do not watch the alarm clock and worry about the time or lost sleep. Try to think about something that is relaxing and/or enjoyable.


There you have it. It's a lot, but try to take encouragement from that rather than feeling overwhelmed. There are so many different tools you can try. If these don't work, of if you want additional help, I would suggest a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist specializing in sleep who can walk you through specific exercises designed to tackle your biggest barriers to a good night's sleep. It's a commitment, but you can get there. Honest.

Stress and Panic Attacks

Stress and I don't get along. Some people say they thrive on stress, that it gets them motored up to push through things they wouldn't otherwise people able to do. I am not one of those people. The good thing is that I know what havoc stress wreaks on my well-being, and I work to minimize the stressors in my life. When I get stressed, my immune system starts to stutter and I get sick, my stomach gets upset, I can't sleep. Years ago I also suffered from panic attacks, which, at one point, were so bad that I considered taking time off from school.

Fortunately, I am the daughter of a very wise man. When I talked to my dad about my panic attacks, he gave me a some specific actions to take. They were just the tools I needed to get through the worst of it so I could finish up the year.

1. Eat more protein. At the time I didn't understand the importance of protein when it comes to stress and panic attacks. As I started to read up on hypoglycemia this summer, though, every source talked about how critical regular protein is to maintaining stable blood sugar. And what is one of the symptoms some hypoglycemics experience? You guessed it -- panic attacks.

2. Stop with the caffeine. I had a ten-Diet-Cokes-a-day habit. The mere thought of that horrifies me. Of course anyone who drinks that much caffeine (not to mention chemicals and aspartame) is going to feel jittery, to say the least!

3. Practice deep breathing exercises. When I first started doing breathing exercises, I only had one basic technique: Inhale through my nose to the count of five, exhale through my mouth to the count of seven. It worked, but I've since learned other techniques that work even better for me. The first is ujjayi breath, which is explained quite well here. The other might be the simplest breathing technique I know of, but it's also my favorite: focus fully on each each breath, simply observing it, but with the exhale as the "start" of the breath, and the inhale as the "end." That simple reversal in observation takes just enough focus for me to allow my mind to quiet. This is also my favorite breath for when I meditate.

This past week I have been feeling an incredibly amount of stress, and have been unable to pinpoint its root, which only frustrates me more. Doesn't much help the situation. To make matters worse, in the last three days, I've staved off four panic attacks. I'm glad I was able to prevent them, but it's been a little unsettling that they've resurfaced after so many years. So I'm going back to basics. Protein. Stay off the caffeine. Practice deep breathing. Now I have even more tools in my arsenal, though, which is encouraging. Here are the new additions:

1. In addition to deep breathing to get me through a tough moment, regular meditation to help keep me on an even keel. (If you're thinking, hey, wait, you've been doing this meditation thing for a few weeks now, and you're getting panic attacks for the first time in years. Why would I want to do that? It's because I've been slacking on the meditation. Doh.)

2. Beyond just eating more protein, work to limit my sugar intake as much as possible, thus keeping my blood sugar as stable as I can manage. (Yes, I've been slipping up and having more sugar and alcohol lately, too.)

3. Acupuncture also really helps me to feel centered and grounded. I think it's a combination of the treatment itself, and having twenty minutes to lie in quiet on the table and just decompress. After nearly having a panic attack this morning as I was getting in the shower, I booked an appointment for this afternoon as soon as I got to work.

4. Spend time outside, get some sunlight, experience some nature. I think there's a lot to be said for honoring our circadian rhythms; it makes sense that we'll feel better when we're in sync with our natural clocks.

5. Work up a sweat. Exercise gets the endorphins pumping through your system (the source of a runner's high), which brings extra feel-good chemicals to your body. Who wouldn't prefer that to feeling stressed out. It can also help you work through some pent up aggression and get out of a toxic thought loop. Find something you love -- riding your bike, doing yoga, going for a run or a swim -- and let it act as a resource rather than something on your to-do list.

6. Talk it out. If something's weighing on your mind, find people who care about you and vent a little bit. Ask if they have some insight into the situation. There's no point in going on the journey alone.

If you have other resources you call on when you're stressed out, I'd love to hear them. I'm feeling encouraged just having taken the time to think through all the resources I have at my disposal.

Pause

Over the weekend, I decided to practice something I find quite difficult. Saying no, particularly to making plans. I've been busy lately, to say the least. My beloved DD has been known to call me Type A+ Squared. I can't say I'd have much of an argument to refute that; I live by my calendar.

And sometimes it's just plum overwhelming.

Which is why I'm now trying to make the concerted effort to let my calendar be an aide, not the rule book. I have a tendency to fill up any white space in my calendar, sometimes with things I don't even want to do. Then, when something I would love to do comes along, I often have to say no because I'm either already booked or just plain old worn out.

This weekend I tried to embrace the white space. I didn't schedule a workout. I resisted the urge to offer my cousins a free night of baby-sitting (sorry La -- next time!). When my sister said she was going to be at a bar I've been dying to check out, I said no thanks. Instead I came home early on Friday, had a blissfully lazy Saturday morning -- complete with decaf soy ice coffee (I know, I know, what's the point right? I never thought I'd say it, but I'm a convert) and the New York Times -- a great afternoon complete with reading in the park and shopping with friends, and a Saturday night spent assembling my new bookshelf, organizing my books, and cleaning the apartment. It wasn't wild, it wasn't particularly social, and I didn't work on a single one of my three health things. On Sunday, I walked all over the city getting delicious, healthy food, and then met up with friends for a drink. Which turned into an outrageous and hilarious bbq until much too late on a work night. It was great.

I love knowing what to expect and what I need to do, but sometimes it feels really good to loosen the reigns a bit and just do whatever feels right in the moment.

How does a Type A+ Squared girl handle an insight like this, though? By scheduling "time off". It's a start, right?

My Three (Health) Things - Update

In an earlier post I outlined my three primary goals for improving my health. Progress has been in and fits and starts, but here's the latest.

1. Begin a meditation practice.
It's begun. But it's not quite a regular practice yet. Sometimes I miss a day (or three). That said, whenever I do practice, I'm so glad I did. I'm already experiencing lots of great benefits, but I think my favorite has been the incredible way it's sparked my memory. There have been a handful of times that I've just been jolted with a flash of memory from my early childhood. When I was shucking corn the other day, I could almost hear my grandfather talking about fresh corn in Ohio; when I was taking a walk outside, I had a snapshot memory of old family friends I haven't thought about since I was about nine. My focus at work has been (a little) better, too.

2. Resume my yoga practice.
Drat. Excuses continue. Haven't done this yet, but I have been stretching more throughout the day. Baby steps?

3. Get a better grip on my finances.
Finally starting to tackle this one. Last night I returned clothes and shoes I'd bought but never worn and decided I'd rather have the money. This morning I finally set up online banking for my big scary credit card. Most of my other bills are electronic, but I hadn't gotten to this one. I'm amazed at how relieved I feel having done this. Tonight I've scheduled down time into my calendar (no joke), and I plan to confront Quickbooks.

Am I as far along as I'd like to be? No. Am I making progress? Yes. I feel I've lapsed a little bit in the past week and a half, but I'm trying to accept that as part of the natural ebb and flow of things. What never ceases to amaze me, though, is how often I'll be doing something for my health and well-being, it'll be working, I'll feel better, and then...I stop. For example, I eat mostly raw organic food --> my energy skyrockets and my brain feels clear --> I stop eating as well --> my energy plummets and I feel foggy --> I don't have the energy to think about eating as well. It makes me frustrated at my own behavior sometimes, and I really want to understand why I do this. Is it because somewhere in the back of my mind I feel I need a break from the work of being healthy? Do I somehow think I'm "cured"? Now the trick is figuring out how to stay in the good cycles rather than slipping back out to the less healthy path. If you have some magic tricks, I'd love to hear them.

Gluten Free Goodness: Party Time

When I found out I had Celiac Disease, one of the things that bummed me out the most was feeling like I'd miss out on celebrating with friends. No birthday cake, no pumpkin pie, no wedding cake when the time was right. Sure, there are naturally gluten free (GF) options -- lots of ice creams are GF, and you could always go the healthy fruit salad route. But there's something about your best friend bringing you a carrot cupcake with cream cheese frosting for your birthday that's just tough to beat. Lucky for Celiac folk, we can still partake in these sugary little rituals. Here are my favorites.

Namaste makes amazing cake mixes (I find mine at Whole Foods). The Spice Cake is my favorite, but the others are pretty great too. I often add shredded carrots to the Spice Cake mix to make carrot cake instead.

If you're not in the mood to bake your own -- or if you want to surprise one of your Celiac friends with dessert and don't know where to start -- I highly recommend paying a visit to Mr. Ritt's. I'm fortunate to live in the same city as what could easily be the best GF bakery in the country, but those of you who live farther away don't have to miss out. The have a collection of products that ship well, and they're well worth it. My roommates in college surprised me with a cake from Mr. Ritt's for my first Celiac birthday, and it made all the difference. They also do amazing wedding cakes; the price for some is even lower than your standard gluten-full wedding cakes, and most of them taste at least as good, if not better. Just to hammer home the point: Mr. Ritt's is amazing.

Whole Foods also has a great GF bakehouse. You can find muffins and breads, but you can also find some killer chocolate chip or peanut butter cookies. I live about a five minute walk from Whole Foods, but I never buy the cookies. Why? They're so tasty, all ten or so would be gone by my front door.

Trader Joe's didn't miss out on the GF market, either. If you want a little treat, I'd highly recommend these GF Ginger Snaps. Warning: don't think for a second you'll only eat one or two.

If ginger snaps aren't your thing, you can always go for their tiramisu, found in the freezer section. I assume just about everyone like tiramisu, so it's my last suggestion for this post. Seriously. Gluten free tiramisu, and it's delicious.

If you have any other GF party favorites, post them in the comments section -- I'd love to hear about them. Enjoy!

Reactions

I'm coming up on the home stretch of the elimination diet, and have learned some pretty critical information about how my body handles different foods. The quick breakdown, without getting into the not-so-glamorous details of my various responses, is as follows:

I have shown no adverse reaction to corn (the one I was most nervous about), citrus, or any other fruits and veggies. Hurray!

I have mild reactions to aged dairy, unfermented soy, wine, and liquor. I seem to be fine if I have these items in moderation, which is good news -- I'd be pretty bummed if I could never again sit down with wine and cheese.

The bummer list is pretty short so far, thankfully. Regular dairy and I do not get along. This is one of those things I've sort of known for the past few years, but tried to ignore. After this experiment, though, I think I'll be staying away for the most part. Very small amounts seem to be ok, but anything else is not so pleasant. Good thing I really like rice and almond milks. I also can't really tolerate fermented soy (aka tofu), but I'm quite all right with that. It did add a little protein boost to my smoothie, but other than, I was never really a fan.

Then, of course, there are still the items to be tested. Soon I'll know how my body gets along with (or not) yeast, peanuts, eggs, seeds, and tree nuts. Fingers crossed.

Willpower

In general, I'm not a big fan of willpower. I usually prefer coming up with better systems that all but eliminate the need for straight up willpower. Right now, however, it is sheer willpower that is keeping my from reaching into the company fridge for a Diet Coke, walking across the street for frozen yogurt, and scarfing down a handful of the dark chocolate peanut M&Ms. I keep telling myself that forgoing the caffeine and sugar today will make it ten times easier to forgo them tomorrow, as well; it won't start that vicious blood sugar spiral.

Besides, I do have some deliciousness to look forward to tonight -- we're going to try (gluten-free) beer can chicken on the grill, with lots of delicious grilled veggies, grilled pineapple or peaches for dessert, and maybe a great bottle of wine. I can resist the fake, chemical-laden quick treats in favor of wholesome deliciousness tonight.

I'll try, at least.

Wake Up, Sleepyhead

My schedule has been packed lately, and as a result, I haven't been as diligent about some of my health resolutions as I should be. It was OK for a few days, but these past two days I've really started to feel it. Yesterday I hit the snooze button for an hour, and today I could barely get out of bed. This is probably the most I've missed caffeine since I gave it up a few weeks ago.

Rather than dwell on the coffee (YUM) I can't drink, I tried to think of what I would suggest to someone else who was trying to rev up in the morning -- naturally. Then I actually took my advice.

I boiled some water for my morning tea, herbal of course. I've been really loving the Tazo Refresh. The peppermint in it seems to perk me up a bit. Also, for me the ritual of making tea helps me focus, which in turn brings an alertness to my day.

While the water boiled, I paid a visit to what, on my fancy days, I like to call my home gym. It's pretty basic, but it gets the job done. This morning I was wishing I had some ten pound weights, though, so maybe that will be my next splurge. My mom and I have been working to get more strength training into our daily routine, so I tried to channel her this morning. I did barely ten minutes of core and arm work, but it was enough to get my blood pumping. Plus, when I start my day with healthy habits, I really don't want to derail my good work later on.

Then, before I got in the shower, I used one of my new favorite things -- a dry brush. It's amazing. At first I was skeptical. Brush my skin? A little strange, no? But the slightly rough texture of the bristles over your skin really does wake up all your little nerve endings, plus it exfoliates, leaving your skin extra soft. The best part? It jump starts your circulatory and lymphatic systems, which in turn gives your immune system a boost. I'll post soon with a more thorough exploration of the benefits of dry brushing, but for now, I'd encourage you to give it a shot. Wake up naturally, improve the appearance of your skin, and give your immune system a boost? All for a one time fee of approximately $7? (That's what I paid for mine at Whole Foods.) Yes please!
I'm still really craving an ice coffee, but at least I started on a good note. The trick will be to keep fueling myself with nutritious foods throughout the day rather than reaching for something sugary that will just make me crash later.

Natural Goodness

My sister is an incredible mother in any number of ways, not the least of which is sharing her love of nature with my niece. Every day, no matter the weather, they spend a little time outside. Bad mood? Go outside. Energetic? Go play outside. Feeling just a little bit off? Go outside and get some fresh air.

This summer, I've taken a cue from my big sis and made a concerted effort to get more outside into my life. Over the weekend I spent some wonderful chunks of time soaking up the gorgeous summer weather. I started with a quiet walk by myself on Saturday morning around my sister's neighborhood.

Here are the Black Eyed Susan's from her garden:


A butterfly in a neighbor's plant:



A busy bee working away:


Which reminds me -- my mom and my sister were talking about bee pollen this weekend, and how it's a superfood. I've only just started to research it, but I'm intrigued. No surprise there, really. If you've tried it, I'd love to hear about it. And if you're curious, check back soon to see what I've learned.

I'm really happy that I've gotten to the point now where my weekend doesn't feel finished without working up a pretty major sweat outside. My brother-in-law came downtown and joined me on a nice long bike ride, including my first non-paved biking. I loved it.

Here's the famous bike:


A little piece of Fairmount Park, right in the heart of Philadelphia:


I know it's not news that exercise, fresh air, a little peace and quiet, and some nature can do wonders for your soul, but this weekend just confirmed that point.

Good News, Bad News

Friday's preemptive measures in preparation for a night of sipping wine definitely helped. This morning I woke up feeling relatively well-rested, and just about everything seemed to be in good working order. Except my lip.

I was afraid of this. For about the last three years, the middle of my upper lip has been a little swollen, some days more than others. I tried to tell myself no one noticed as much as I did, but every once in a while I'd get comments like "Did you...get collagen? What happened?" or "How did something manage to sting your lip?" For the most part, though, it just felt a little strange.

When I asked my GP, she didn't know what to tell me, and certainly didn't seem concerned, so she referred me to a dermatologist, who also had no idea what was going on. "But the tissue here feels different," I said. They didn't seem to notice. Then, on my last morning in Italy in June, I woke up like this (sorry about the picture quality):


I'd woken up early because I tasted blood in my mouth; my lips had swollen so large that they'd split open in some places. Ouch. My lip returned to it's regular, only-slightly-puffy state within a day, but it was still unsettling. When I landed, I booked an appointment with an allergist. He was the first doctor to acknowledge that my lip is not normal, that the tissue is different, and that it's something that needs to be solved. He suggested I take Zyrtec every day for two months, just to see if it helped, and referred me to a lip specialist. I didn't even know those existed. I passed on the Zyrec -- I would much rather try to figure this out naturally/holistically -- but I did book the appointment with the specialist.

While on the elimination diet, though, my lip just about returned to normal. Eva, acupuncturist extraordinaire, said it is likely a curious manifestation of inflammation, and at this point I'm nearly certain it is. In Chinese medicine, the area just above the middle of your upper lip is an inflammation point, so it makes sense to me that the center of my lip is what swells up. I believe the elimination diet cleansed my of the major inflammatory triggers, which allowed my lip to finally return to normal. Once I added the booze, the lip puffed right up. Just to be sure, I plan to have another stint (much shorter this time) without alcohol, and then add it again to see if we get the same result. I'm also very curious how long it will take the swelling to go back down.

To wrap it up --
Good News: The Great Lip Mystery may be nearly solved
Bad News: Yet another reason I shouldn't indulge in the sauce as often as I'd like

Reintroduction: Alcohol

I reintroduced alcohol this week. I should probably have chosen something else to reintroduce, like nuts or seeds, but I chose booze. And it was wonderful to be able to sip a gin gimlet in the park while listening to a free concert with some friends. And I loved talking to my family last night while we sipped a delicious pinot noir.

I did not love how I felt when I woke up this morning, though. Sluggish and bloated and just a little less vibrant than I had been. Does this mean I'm going to quit drinking all together? No. I'm not a saint, and I'm not really one for extremes. Which means maybe no more taking a sip of Bluecoat Gin right from the bottle...


Where to go from here? Back to my dear old friend moderation. Will I have a glass of wine tonight when we go out to dinner for my dad's birthday and toast his move back to Italy? Absolutely. But my goal -- and this will be a challenge -- will be to have one glass. OK, maybe a glass and a half. Knowing that I want to feel great when I wake up in the morning, though, is going to help me do that.

Additionally, I'm taking preemptive measures today. I know tonight will be rich with family, love, and laughter, not to mention the food and wine. As I lead up to that, I'm focusing on a raw vegan diet for the day. I was late to work because I was making lots of great juice, and I filled up every bottle I have with juice or filtered water. I also rinsed some cherry tomatoes and cut up a cucumber in case I really feel the need to chew something during the day. We'll see if this strategy works.

Special Delivery (someone needs to step away from Amazon.com)

I love snail mail. My friend Alison, whom I affectionately call (Love) Bug, and I try to send each other letters of the old fashioned variety on a somewhat regular schedule. It's tough to beat coming home to a letter or package from someone you love.

If you had been sitting in my office this week, though, you would have thought that I have an obsession with Amazon.com. You would be right. After a quick survey of this week's packages alone, I vow to take a break from buying books for a while. We'll consider it working towards health goal #3, getting a grip on my finances. I will, however, act as an enabler. Links to everything can be found in the Bookshelf toolbar at the right.

Here's what my friend Tick, the UPS guy, brought me this week:

and

and

I've just started Meditation as Medicine, and am already fascinated. Dr. Khalsa has a beautiful, lyrical way of writing about meditation and its impact. Expect more updates as I work my way through. Maybe then I'll make my way to Michael Pollan, which I've been dying to read.

Some of you probably know how skeptical (read: extremely) I was about the Louise Hay DVD. It was assigned as part of my homework from Women to Women, and boy was I reluctant. I was sure it would be all crystals and pastels and happy clappy touchy feely mantras. Was there a little bit of that? Yes. But mostly it was straightforward, well-produced, encouraging film featuring commentary by some very in-tune, loving, optimistic people. It made me want to add mantras to my daily routine, but I haven't yet struck on one that feels right to me. If you have one that works, I'd love to hear about it. And for now, I'm just glad I got over myself and was able to be open to all the great information in this DVD.

Not done yet. I saved the best for last. While I was at the zoo on Monday, my warm-up materials for the Institute for Integrative Nutrition arrived! Couple that with my tuition payments, and I'm starting to feel like a real student. I haven't delved into these materials much yet, but am looking forward to getting started in the next few days.


For the record, I'm glad I went to the zoo on Monday, even if it meant waiting another day for my materials. We had a blast, and saw lots of amazing animals...

Eating Overhaul

I don't diet. I can't. It doesn't make sense to me, and trying to lose weight is never, ever enough motivation for me. I tried one once, and it lasted two hours. Then I ate some chips. If, however, I have to overhaul my diet to improve my health, then I can become a dedicated little eater.

My first experience with a radical diet change came a few months after my 21st birthday when I found out I have Celiac Disease. I couldn't imagine a life without beer, bagels, and my dad's amazing pappardelle with wild boar. Over the years I've discovered a number of great gluten-free alternatives, and the whole experience has made me particularly receptive to the idea of changing my diet to change my health.

Shortly after the Celiac Disease diagnosis, I found out I also had candida in my system, and was put on a yeast-free diet. This does not mean "don't eat yeast." It means "don't eat anything that could feed the yeast." And what feeds yeast? Sugar. Alcohol. Vinegar (which happens to be in just about every condiment made). Fermented foods, like cheese. To starve the yeast, the diet has to be adhered to 100% over a prolonged period. It was tough to start my senior of college on such a strict diet, but it seemed to do the trick. After four months I could, in moderation, add the other foods to my diet.

I've mentioned the elimination diet that I'm currently trying, but haven't explained it here much yet. When a family friend found out how sick I'd been, she suggested I get in touch with Debra Lermitte, who runs a company called HealThy Self. (I love the name.) She's fine tuning an elimination diet called FareWell, and it's been a great tool for getting to know my body better. What I really love about the program is that there's a support group component. Debra's always available for a pep talk or to answer a question, and the group of participants doing the diet (there's about six of us in my session, including fellow "Holistic Health Junkie", Jen) meets roughly once a week to trade recipes, share progress, and encourage each other.

The basic premise of the FareWell Diet is to strip all the major triggers from your diet for two weeks to get it to a clean, recharged state. After two weeks of mostly fruits and vegetables, everyone was feeling pretty good. We all reported we'd lost weight, had more energy, had clearer skin. (Caveat: the first week was tough as many of us went through withdrawal from sugar, caffeine, etc.) Once the two weeks were over, the reintroductions started, with a new "trigger food" introduced every three days. The goal is to listen to your body and discover sensitivities you weren't previously aware of.

To help us along, Debra put together clear guidelines of what foods to eat when, as well as a list of common symptoms associated with the various introduction foods. I'm about 2 weeks into the introductions, which puts me 2/3 of the way through the program, and I'm feeling great and getting to know my body much better. Debra also puts together a great weekly newsletter with health tips and interesting factoids. She even gave Full Well a sweet mention in this week's issue. You can find information about it, or get in touch with her, at her website.

Now that I've tried this elimination diet, I'm curious about some others I've heard about. Being me, I'm sure I'll be doing research in the coming weeks, and you can expect to see what I find out here. When the diet is over, I'll also post my reactions (or not) to the different foods that were reintroduced. So far, though, I haven't discover that I react to anything I really love. Whew!

I Can Sleep!

In one of the opening scenes of Fight Club, the narrator (Ed Norton's character) talks about insomnia. Mine was never quite so bad -- I've always managed to get at least a little sleep, if not much -- but I can still relate to this quote: "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake."

This summer, when I embarked on the Great Health Crusade of 2008, I knew that solving the sleep problem was essential. How could I expect to feel better if my body and mind didn't have the proper restorative period every night? For a decade I had relied on Tylenol PM or Benadryl to help me fall asleep. I knew these sleep aids prevented me from entering deep REM sleep, but they also kept me from tossing and turning until 5am. It was the lesser of two evils. But there had to be a better way.

When I hit my breaking point, I did a few key things that helped me get over my insomnia hurdle. I read a number of articles and books that link insomnia to hypoglycemia, or low blood sugar. Because I also had a number of other symptoms associated with hypoglycemia (will post in the future), I thought it would be a good starting point. Hypoglycemia is considered to be a prediabetic condition, and the nutritional management of the two diseases are very similar. A hypoglycemic diet is free of sugar, alcohol, caffeine, and refined carbohydrates, and it's best to eat protein at regular intervals. I made sure to eat a small portion of something with protein every 2-3 hours. Eating regularly was easy, but that whole caffeine-sugar-booze thing was a challenge.

It was a start, but it didn't help as much as I'd like. Sleepwise, at least. In terms of feeling good throughout the day, it made a world of difference.

The major breakthrough came when I broke down and went for an appointment at the Penn Sleep Center. This is one of many things that falls under that big bold heading of

Things my mother told me to do years ago that I ignored until I was in crisis and really wish I'd listened to her about the first time.

Alas. At least I finally came around. And what a difference it made!

I met with my doctor who gave me a list of things to change in my sleep behavior, and scheduled a follow up appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist specializing in sleep. I took the suggestions to heart, but didn't think that just changing a few things in my routine could make a big difference. She didn't even test me for anything! She just listened! Oh wait... she listened. She said she thought the big problem was that I don't know how to turn my brain off at night, and I never really learned how to put myself to bed. So, in an effort to learn the skills most people learn at age six months, I had to make the following changes.

• Regular bedtime/rising time. Every day. Even weekends. For me, this is midnight/7:30a.m.
• Absolutely no reading/thinking/etc. in bed. Bed is for sleep. That's it.
  
• Turn off all screens (computer, tv, phone) one hour before bedtime.
• Establish a ritual. For me, I make sure my apartment is clean and lunch is prepped, put on my jammies, brew some herbal tea, and read a book or magazine in my favorite chair. Now that I've added meditation, I try to start my practice so I can crawl into bed at midnight.
• No getting into bed until I feel I'm about to fall asleep in my chair. When I'm on the brink of sleep, then I can go to bed. If this happens at 3am, so be it. If I get into bed, and my mind snaps awake, I have to get up, get out of bed, and go back to my chair until I'm about to fall asleep again. The point of this little run around is to train my brain that bed is for sleeping, not thinking.

It took commitment, planning, and getting over my ego to excuse myself from a few parties early enough to catch my bedtime. But the payout is huge! It's working! When I met with the cognitive behavioral therapist on Monday, he didn't change my routine at all. Of course, if things start to backslide and the insomnia returns, I'm to call him and he'll help, but for now, it looks like all system are go.

I never thought I would be able to fall asleep twenty minutes after getting into bed, especially without at least a mild sleeping pill. Now, so long as I follow my routine, I'm usually in pretty good shape. If I have a bad night, I know it's not the end of the world. And in a few weeks, when I'm really well conditioned to my sleep routine, I might even be able to stay out late on occasion, or, better yet, sleep in on a Saturday.

Do you have any other tips for beating insomnia or establishing a sleep schedule?

My Three (Health) Things

The Institute for Integrative Nutrition has a series of Warm-Up Classes for enrolled students to work on before classes start in January. It helps harness our enthusiasm for holistic health and helps prepare us for class. Many of the assignments are geared to raising our awareness of our own health, as well as getting us to see first-hand what an impact these changes can have. Puts us in the client's shoes, so to speak, so we'll have a better understanding when we start to counsel folks. The Warm-Up Class I did last week asked us to list three things we could start doing immediately to improve our health. Here are my three.

1. Begin a meditation practice. In progress.

2. Resume my yoga practice. I've made excuses for not doing this yet (time and money...), but am committed to reintroducing yoga this week. Even if I decided to sleep in instead of going to the 7:15a.m. class today.

3. Get a better grip on my finances. It might seem strange to have this under health goals, but money causes me more stress than just about any other piece of my life that I can think of. If I can get enough of a sense of control over my finances, I suspect I will feel a new sense of lightness and have more energy and mental space to devote to more healthful, joyful things. For starters, I'm going to spend some time this week getting better acquainted with the Quickbooks software I bought back in March.

There you have it. Three manageable health goals to focus on. I found this exercise quite helpful, and would encourage you to try it. Once you start making goals, you'll probably come up with a list of more than three things you can do to improve your health, but I'd encourage you to limit it to three. Beyond that it can get overwhelming and unrealistic to tackle all at once. Prioritize, and as you feel you accomplish different things on your list, then rotate in the next one.

Feel free to share your list in the comments section!

Bliss.

Rocking on the porch with my niece wrapped in a blanket on a cool morning. Lounging by the pool with one of my dearest friends, my brother, and his two incredible friends from Wales and Ireland. Celebrating my aunt and uncle's 40th wedding anniversary and the birth of their second beautiful grandson. Celebrating with lobster dinner and a hilarious slide show. Talking to my dad about meditation and, for the first time in my life, what it's like to feel healthy. Waking up early to check the tide, scrub out my long-neglected kayak, and go for my first blissful paddle in almost two years. Taking a walk around the water with my mom and talking about family and food and joy. Playing and laughing with the three-year-olds tearing around the house. Having a delicious dinner with my sister and her hubby after getting back to Philly.

By all accounts, I had what can only be considered a nearly perfect weekend. It was the first time in a very long time that I visited my parents and had energy. Usually, going home was an opportunity to let myself crash. After pushing pushing pushing in my daily life, I could go somewhere safe and be taken care of and nurtured. This wasn't a conscious decision, mind you. I wanted to feel up for a paddle or a long walk, let alone both. Sometimes I would push myself (or my mom would coax me) and I'd get outside to soak up some sun. But at the beginning of the summer, that didn't seem like much of an option to me. I was sick, no question about it. On one trip I was recovering from a severe allergic reaction that caused my lips to swell up so horribly that I looked the poster girl for horrible collagen. The next trip home, for a big family party, my body was in severe pain, particularly my foot with a recent stress fracture. I was pale, weak, and unsteady on my feet. It was a few days later that I set off on Health Crusade 2008.


Health-wise, it was a great weekend in some pretty major ways -- joy, loving family and friends, outdoor activity I love, veggies. I did fall off the wagon a bit in terms of what I ate, though. I managed to abstain from alcohol (tricky for a wine lover surrounded by lots of open bottles of the good stuff), and my mom talked me out of indulging a major sugar craving this afternoon, but I did slip up on the elimination diet. No major mis-steps, but I wasn't as prudent as I usually am. And...I ate a bunch of marshmallows. And some sorbet. And lots of chips. And butter on my lobster. Whoops!


After the indulging, I had a few choices. I could beat myself up over it for not being perfect. (Doesn't seem constructive.) I could pretend it never happened. (Obviously not productive.) I could look at why I did it (to be part of the fun, and because it tastes good), how I felt (not nearly as good as when I don't indulge), and resolve to try again from that point forward (now that sounds like a logical, productive plan). I went with that last option, and I'm feeling pretty good about it.

I also decided to give myself credit for the healthy choices I did make. Yes, I had strawberry sorbet, but at least I didn't have a lot of dairy before the dairy introduction phase. Ok, ok, I had butter on the lobster, but come on. I resisted the wine. I loaded up my plate with veggies at every meal. I moved around and I laughed a lot. If you were to look at the balance register of healthy vs. unhealthy choices, I think I came out strongly in the black for healthy choices. Sometimes, perfection isn't going to happen. Sometimes, more good than bad has to be good enough.

That said, tomorrow I start again with following the elimination diet strictly. It's not that hard, it tastes delicious, I feel great when I do it 100%, and I want to know just how my body responds to these different things. Besides, I know that when all is said and done, the more healthy choices I make every day, the more absolutely blissful weekends I'm likely to have. And I happen to be a huge fan of bliss.

Potty Mouth

Let go of what's toxic to make room for more joy, love, and fulfillment.

That, more than anything else, is what I try to keep in mind as I go through my day. I find it helpful because it applies to so many different facets of life: relationships, food, my surroundings.

And my language.

I've developed a bit of a potty mouth over the years. (Sorry, Mom!) I always tried to be mindful of my surroundings, no cursing around children or anyone I thought might find it uncomfortable. But when I was just kicking back with friends? More foul language than I care to admit.

As part of my health makeover, though, I started to consider the effect my language might have on my health. I love the written word, communication, speech. Language fascinates me with all that it can accomplish when used precisely, and the outrageous misunderstandings that can arise when it gets sloppy. (Keep in mind, I'm a girl who has a favorite grammatical construction (using a gerund with a pronoun) and a favorite form of punctuation (the semicolon, when used judiciously.) Which is why I'm rather surprised I never stopped to consider how my speech might influence my well-being.

The other piece you need to know is that I struggle with anger. I mentioned this to my friend Jen yesterday, and she was surprised. I rarely yell or lose my temper, but I am a master when it comes to the quiet seethe. The more livid I get, the more I withdraw as a long string of expletives runs through my mind.

Since I've started my experiment, though, I can't say I've felt angry. Yes, all the same pieces that contribute to my feeling [there's that possessive with a gerund...love it!] healthier -- and the fact that I do feel healthier -- are likely the primary factors. But consider this: cursing, for me, was fueling my anger in a way that I wasn't even close to being aware of. Even if it was just in casual, even fun conversation with friends. My decision to watch my language is a lot like a decision to change anything else; it led me to an increased awareness that allowed me to choose how to act rather than just reacting without thought. That thought process makes me slow down, if only a little bit. It forces me to live with consciousness in the moment and decide on my behavior.

The other bonus is that I now find myself using a smattering of Leave it to Beaver type exclamations. Like "Geez Louise!" Next time you're angry, swap out &*%$ for "Geez Louise!" You'll sound ridiculous. It might make you laugh. Which, I think we can all agree, beats seething.

I'm not perfect. I still use words I would never utter in front of my three-year-old niece. But at least now it's a decision rather than the default. Also, it should be noted, that I stub my toe, all bets are off, and talking like June Cleaver just ain't gonna cut it.


In other news -- I did manage to meditate yesterday. Sort of. I put on my earphones (but no music) on the train yesterday and set my alarm. I tried to let go of the surrounding noise and my self-consciousness over the fact that I was, well, trying to meditate on the train. It wasn't close to being as fulfilling as meditating at home, but it was better than nothing. It also made me realize what a difference this brief practice is already having on me. As I was trying to fall asleep last night, I was lamenting the fact that I hadn't taken the time and attention to really clear my head and refocus. Does this mean I'm starting to turn the corner to actually looking forward to meditating?

And a huge thank you for your comments about meditating. I love hearing what it means to different people and how you approach it. I found the comment about meditating through thought instead of away from it to be particularly helpful. That's the goal for tonight.

Meditation 101

Last night, I did not want to meditate. It was almost midnight, my mind was busy with pleasant things, and I wanted to read more in Digestive Wellness before bed. Fortunately, my pride got the better of me, and I know just how to bribe myself. I lit some of my favorite candles (the cluster of five were a gift from my sister; the striped one in the front belonged to my best friend, and I inherited it when she moved to New York; the pillar on the right was purchased on a fun day out with a good friend), turned out the lights, sat on a folded blanket, and set the alarm for ten minutes.

It was meditation session #3. On Monday night I set my alarm for 8 minutes, Tuesday for 9, and last night for 10. By the time my 21 days are up, I should be able to meditate for 30 minutes at a stretch. The first night was hard. It's unsettling how difficult it is to just sit and try not to think about anything for even a small stretch of time. Mostly I kept thinking about the fact that I don't know how to meditate. I'd had a brief tutorial in class in college, and have done 5 minute stretches in an occasional yoga class, but had never really sat down to try it on my own. I'm eager for my latest Amazon orders to arrive, particularly Meditation as Medicine (see bookshelf at right). I'm looking forward to sharing what I learn.

The good news is, it's getting easier. Last night didn't feel like 10 minutes. More like 7. And let me tell you - that's huge! Tonight will be a bit of a challenge because I have so much going on, but I don't want to break my streak now. Maybe I'll try meditating on my train ride back from my FareWell Diet meeting? I'll let you know how it goes.

Does anyone else want to try the 21 day meditation challenge?

The Amazing Digestive System

Don't worry, folks. No pictures for this post.

As I mentioned yesterday, I've been slowly working my way through Digestive Wellness, by Elizabeth Lipski, Ph.D., C.C.N. I'm a touch obsessed with how the digestive system works, so this book is a pretty exciting read for me. There were a few times while reading yesterday that I was so blown away that I had to pick up the phone and call my mom to share the news. Some were relatively intuitive, and some just blew me away. Here, the mom-worthy portions:

"Chronic stress lengthens the amount of time that food stays in the stomach, while short-term stress usually shortens the emptying time," (p. 24). Makes sense, doesn't it? When you're constantly stressed, and you just feel heavy and sluggish, that's exacerbated by your digestive system being so fatigued that it can't move things along steadily. And when you have a sudden stress -- a break-up, changing jobs, or an exam coming up -- sometimes things go right through you.

"Current research indicates that 70 percent of the immune system is located in or around the digestive system," (p. 27). This made my jaw drop. Seventy percent! If I didn't want to put good, nourishing, whole foods in my body before, I sure do after this statistic. Think about it, sit with it for a bit. A little extra incentive to give your body the raw material it needs to function optimally.

"Serotonin is best known for its role in the brain, but 95 percent of our serotonin is manufactured in the gut. Without adequate amounts, we have insomnia and are depressed," (p. 28). This statistic I had actually heard this past spring, and it was the reason I quit artificial sweeteners and said bye-bye to my beloved Diet Coke. Artificial sweeteners directly interfere with serotonin production, and I, for one, could use every little boost I can get when it comes to falling asleep and staying happy.

For the full story on any of these, I strongly encourage you to check out the book.


New feature alert: Because I'm a bit of a research junkie (No joke. Aftermath from my drunken nights? All the reference books pulled from my shelves, left strewn about the apartment with pages open to quite a random assortment of factoids.), I like to share my favorite resources in case anyone would like to do further reading or see where I get my information. To that end, I've created a Bookshelf sidebar on the left. It's broken down loosely according to categories, and includes links to Amazon so you can easily find the books for yourself. Some of the books I've read cover to cover, but many I dip in and out of as needed. Or after one mojito too many. Hey, I'm a health nut, not a saint.

How Acupuncture Saved my Tuesdays...and other stories

Tuesdays used to be, hands down, my least favorite day of the week. Monday's done a swift job of wiping away the weekend, and you've got a long way to go until Friday. Then, sometime this spring, everything changed: I got acupuncture. My friend Mandy had been getting acupuncture for a few months, and raved about its effects. The group I volunteer with invited Mandy's acupuncturist, Eva, to come speak at our Women and Health seminar, and my curiosity grew even greater. I had to make an appointment.

I had recently starting practicing yoga, and my favorite class was Tuesday nights, but so often I just plum didn't have the motivation to go. Every Tuesday I would have a conversation with myself (it happens more often than I'd like to admit) that went something like this:
- Go. You'll feel better.
- I know I will. But I don't wanna.
- Oh come on. Get off your duff, walk the four blocks to the studio, and work through it. You love Jeremy's class!
- I know! Let me think about it while I eat this ice cream... [insert ice cream eating] Oh...now I can't go. I can't do yoga with a belly full of ice cream.

Acupuncture though, acupuncture was different. What was required of me? An open mind. A list of ailments to present to Eva that I was sure would stump her as it had stumped all my doctors to this point (#1 thing I was not expecting to hear? Her saying Oh this all makes sense together!). A willingness to let a stranger put upwards of two dozen needles all over my body. And lying on a comfy table in relaxing quiet while the needles did their magic.

Hmm...lie on a table, or stretch and sweat. Table please! But then something strange happened. After acupuncture, I felt the most clear-headed, grounded, and energetic I had felt in months. Energy? Me? What was I to do? Oh. Right. Jeremy's yoga class. And with how great I felt post-acupuncture, I had no desire (that's no lie) to dig into ice cream.

Having Tuesday recast in this new light managed to shift my outlook for my entire week. Tuesdays were no longer this wasteland between weekends; they became a night dedicated to my health and wellness. I knew I was busy on Tuesdays, so I didn't make other plans. Often it would be my only night all week to decompress, relax, curl up with a book, check in with myself.

I still go as often as I can, once a week whenever possible, but now I know that I have other tools in my wellness arsenal, too. If I can't go to acupuncture in a given week, I try to compensate by eating particularly well and getting a little more activity, and still taking time for myself. One thing I've really enjoyed about seeing Eva regularly is how well she knows me and my body. She can pick up on subtle changes and knows how to address them. That, and she's not put off by my request to for her to take pictures of me once I've been stuck full of needles. In fact, she wanted to get it just right, so she took two.

Now that's service. What I love about this shot is that you can see my reaction to the needles. Depending on the location, I get very strong blush points/reactions. None too surprising that with all my tummy issues, the points relating to inflammation, which is what you see here, react as if to say "yeah! give me some love!"

Because I am a very curious sort of bear, I usually ask Eva a smattering of acupuncture related questions every time I go. I'm still just beginning to wrap my mind around it all, but she recommended a great book in one of my first visits. The Web That Has No Weaver, by Ted Kaptchuk, O.M.D., is widely recognized as an authority on Eastern medicine. In fact, Dr. Andrew Weil (who works with the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, where I just enrolled -- yay!) says it is the book that first piqued his curiosity in Eastern medicine, and continues to be one of the best sources out there. I've only dipped in and out of it, but every time I open it, I learn something fascinating.


Right now I'm my typical post-acupuncture excited mind-whirl, and want to write about all the cool things I learned today while reading Digestive Wellness (from the Good News! post), and my experience meditating last night, and some of my favorite tricks for keeping my kitchen stocked so it's conducive to making better choices. But if I'm going to stick to my bedtime (and I've been slacking lately...) and my 21 day meditation resolution, I'd better sign off for now.

If you've ever tried acupuncture, or are just curious, I'd love to hear about it.

Oops!

Remember how I said I was going to start meditating every day for 21 days, with yesterday as my first day? I just plum forgot to do it. Oops! I think that's a pretty big indication that I should make it part of my routine, so I'll try to remember to do it before bed tonight.

In better news, I tried the tofu smoothie this morning, and, I have to say -- not bad! I started with a few cubes of soft silken tofu, a banana, and rice milk, and blended until it was super smooth (tofu chunks in a smoothie really don't appeal to me). Added some frozen mango, blueberries, and strawberries and blended some more. Delicious! I usually add peanut butter to my smoothies for a protein pop, but since that's currently verboten on the elimination diet, I've been substituting rice protein powder, which adds a slightly grainy texture to the smoothie. Tofu might actually be a great solution; if I hadn't known it was in there, I never would have suspected.

And, bonus: so far, no reaction to soy. I'm having a stir-fry tonight with edamame and tofu, and have to add more soy tomorrow before I can be sure, but I'll be happy if I can keep soy in my diet, especially as I'm trying to reduce my animal product consumption. (I find I feel better with fewer animal products in my diet. This from the girl who thinks "...wrapped in bacon" is the most beautiful phrase in the English language.) Some studies have shown, though, that soy negatively affects the thyroid. Because I have Hashimoto's Hypothyroiditis (an autoimmune disease linked to an underactive thyroid), I have to be mindful of my soy intake. But every once in a while it's a nice change.

Hurrah Jicama

Today got off to a great start -- serious cleaning, a long bike ride, a grocery run to Trader Joe's...which is where I lost my footing. At first things went well enough as I loaded my cart with frozen fruit for smoothies, unsweetened rice milk, and some seltzer. But just before I got in line, I decided Hey, I've been eating so well lately, why not get a little treat? So I did, knowing full well I could easily inhale an entire (7 serving) bag of that-which-shall-not-be-named. I walked home, settled into my favorite chair, and measured out one portion. A few minutes later it was gone, and I got myself some more. Repeat. Repeat again. At this point, I knew I'd gone a bit over the edge. I knew I'd feel sick if I kept eating. And still I went back for more. I was telling myself to stop as I kept popping the pieces in my mouth. Finally, after five -- FIVE -- servings, I got up and emptied the bag into the trash. Enough.

I talked to my friend Todd and told him what I'd done, and we had a nice little chat about how it's only human to go overboard once in a while. He also reminded me that, you know what? It's OK to do that every once in a while. One slipped afternoon will not undo all the work I'd done this far. Whew! The day could have easily gone either of two ways at this point. One, keep indulging because hey, I'd already blown it, right? The other was to decide right then to get back to the healthy stuff. With a little pep talk from Todd, I chose option B. Yet one more reminder that it's nearly impossible to embark on a major health transformation without the proper support. People want to see you succeed at your health; let them help.

Which leads me to jicama! I assure you, the enthusiasm is sincere. When I was buying groceries yesterday (I eat a lot; I have to go to the store a lot) I saw a nice round jicama root in the produce section. I've been served jicama a number of times, but I'd never seen it in it's whole form, and I'd never prepped it on my own. Tonight, in my post-indulgence haze, I decided tomorrow would be a great day for jicama, and dug out a few of my vegan and vegetarian cookbooks. None had a recipe that really wowed me, but they were enough to give me inspiration. Here's what turned out:


It's a perfect, easy, no-cooking summer dish. Just peel and slice the jicama, add a few stalks of sliced celery, a handful of beets (I bought these pre-cooked at Trader Joe's, but you can easily steam and peel beets yourself.) Toss in some minced basil and drizzle with fig-infused white balsamic vinegar. The sweetness of the beets are balanced by the tang of the vinegar, and the jicama and celery provide some really nice crunch. You could also try adding a some vidalia onion or using mint instead of basil. Play with what you have in your fridge, garden, and pantry, and see what you can come up with. Worst case scenario is you don't like it and you know what not to do next time.

In addition to being a refreshing and filling summer salad, it's packed with nutrients. One cup of jicama packs 40% of your daily Vitamin C and almost 25% of your daily requirement of fiber. The beets are packed with antioxidants, and a half cup will get you 17% of your daily folate, which plays a key role in preventing anemia in pregnant women. Two stalks of celery will set you up with 30% of your Vitamin K, critical for blood coagulation.

Making this salad and thinking through all the nutrients I'll be getting tomorrow inspired me to go ahead and prep as much food for tomorrow as I could. I made my favorite sipping juice (carrot-beet-celery-ginger-fennel) and rinsed a huge handful of blueberries to snack on. Like beets, blueberries are a potent source of antioxidants. The deep, rich colors of each is a major clue to the density of antioxidants. I grabbed an avocado in case I get hungry in the afternoon, and have a peach for my morning snack.

For breakfast I'll be making my very first smoothie with tofu. It doesn't sound too tasty to me, either, but it's my first reintroduction on my elimination diet, and I'm supposed to have soy at every meal to get enough into my system. I'm hoping the mango, strawberries, and banana in the smoothie will make me forget about the tofu. Tofu is a great source of protein, though, so I can't really complain about using it to start my day. Fingers crossed that tomorrow I post about how tofu completely transforms a smoothie into the most satisfying and delicious breakfast imaginable. Hey, a girl can hope.

Pruning

I come from a family of gardeners. My grandparents, my mom, my uncle, my siblings -- all were blessed with the green thumb. There are some basic lessons you learn as the daughter of a landscape designer: how to water plants (regularly, but not too much; water the soil, not the leaves, and be sure to give it a good soak so the water can make its way to the roots); odd numbered groupings and curved lines are more visually interesting than their even and straight counterparts; you have to prune trees and dead-head plants to keep the plant healthy and allow for new growth.

I did not get the knack for plants. In fact, I have one plant -- I love it, I water it, I keep it in my window so it gets some happy sunlight -- and the thing just doesn't thrive. See?


Even though it struggles a bit, I appreciate the life it brings to my cozy little apartment. Today I decided to give it a little extra TLC and cut out the dead matter. As I was snipping away, I was thinking about how the little guy might fare a little better now. It won't misdirect energy and nutrients to leaves that have already had their time. Pretty clear metaphor for life, no?

These past few months I've made a big effort to only keep the good stuff in my life. I changed jobs, cleared all the junk from my diet, and made space to let good stuff, great stuff in. It's working, but I was reminded today that you have to keep going through your life and pruning out the material that isn't working for you anymore. Today, that's manifesting itself for me in a few different ways:

My apartment is small, but it's more than enough for one person. I'm pretty good about not collecting knick-knacks and stuff, but I took inventory and realized there's plenty I could clear out. I now have three bags of stuff to go to Salvation Army and posted a few things on Craigslist. Get rid of stuff I don't need and pick up some extra cash? Yes please! I also gave myself permission to throw out things that I've been given over the years but don't particularly want. A candle with a smell I don't like? Out. Little gift cards from former coworkers? Gone. The deck of 49 cards that I was holding onto because it came from my grandparents? In the trash.

Creating all this space reminded me of something I've been thinking about doing for years, and have tried periodically, but never fully committed to. Meditating. One of my favorite professors in college encouraged us all to meditate for just five minutes a day. He assured us it would make our life richer, easier, clearer. I of course wanted the benefits of meditation, but have always had trouble getting myself to just sit still and try to focus my mind on a mantra instead of a to-do list. (I really love lists.) Today I'm making the decision to take time every day for the next 21 days to spend just a few minutes practicing meditation. The 21 day commitment came from this great post on Kris Carr's blog. It takes about three weeks to create a habit, and it's not such a long time that it feels daunting.

What has all this pruning allowed into my life? Here's a sampling:
-energy, vitality
-a quiet gratitude that I carry around for each day
-an appreciation of my job
-a career change that feels like exactly where I need to be
-an ease of sleep I'd never experienced before
-time to read all the books and magazines I have lying around
-the courage to try to be a supportive friend even when those I care about are enduring something that scares me
-juice, veggies, cravings for delicious healthy food
-bike rides with great friends

If you've pruned some dead matter from your life, or if you meditate, or even if you've just thought about meditating, I'd love to hear about it. Or if you have a name for my plant, feel free to toss that out there, too.